I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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