there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
