if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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