according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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