she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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