Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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