By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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