HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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