Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My penis needs a shock collar
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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