We're facebook friends in real life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
