we're blogging at a bar
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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