Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
