how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
