Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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