soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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