she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
