I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
