My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
