..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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