Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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