In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You pole danced in your parka.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
