"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
