I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
