I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
