I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Im part way to drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
