Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
