I accidentally had phone sex last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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