I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
