I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
