butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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