I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
