Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
