my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
