Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
