she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
