so explain again why im purple
no
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
