Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
