On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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