Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
