Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
