..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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