yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
