I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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