it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need water and some morals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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