If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
