I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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