I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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