Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
