I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
