If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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