why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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