Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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