She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize