just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
