Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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