Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
