I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
