Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
