we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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