so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
