Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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