She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
