Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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